Going Bust

My friend Betty Jo, who is a comedian (comedienne?) in her own right, was telling me about a discussion on The View about wearing bra's or, more formally, brassieres. (I like the German word bustenhalter.) Whoopi Goldberg says she doesn't wear one--just has 2 very short people who walk in front of her and hold "them" up. (LOL here.)

Then BJ and I reminisced about the IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee) groups many of us girls belonged to in high school. How I long for those days! With changes in hormones and weight gain after menopause my B's became G's (for grande)--with no man around to enjoy them. With the passage of years my perky protuberances matured to pendulous proportions. The wearing of a bra or brassiere or bustenhalter is no longer optional.

I was 9 years old when my breasts began to develop. Actually only one began to grow at first. I was terrified I would be cyclops-chested until Mother assured me it was normal. And of course they finally (almost) "evened out".

I never had what is now called a "training bra". Why are they called that? I never knew "the girls" to do anything you could teach them to, other than to differentiate you from a guy. What tricks can they perform except maybe to catch a few compliments (unless you're a stripper and can make tassels on them spin around)?

Why some perfectly healthy women opt for boob jobs (a.k.a. breast augmentation) I'll never understand. As with men's penises, size has nothing to do with function. A cups feed babies as well as C's or D's. Mother Nature sees to that.

Collossal cleavage may attract a man, but does little to keep him. You're much better off learning to be a good cook!

Also, how are those maximized mammaries going to look among the other guests' dried hanging gardens at the Old Age Home?

A favorite family story was told by my sister Mary. She had taken a group of kids from the New York Settlement House where she worked on a beach outing. When they got their swim suits on some of the 10 and 11 year old girls started laughing at her. She finally got one to tell her why they were snickering. "You ain't got no titties!" the girl told her. Ah, the candor of children!

Ah, my yearning for belonging to the IBTC again!