Thoughts on Fathers Day

Fathers Day is a rather sad time for me. My father had a heart attack and died at age 43 just before my 12th birthday. It took me many years and sessions of therapy to deal with the loss, which I feel I have come to terms with now. I was angry with my mother, rather than being angry with him for leaving me. I didn't cry about his death until years later when I was a freshman in college. I felt the same feelings of abandonment when my ex-husband didn't come home when expected. ("You said you'd always be there and you weren't!" my inner child said.)

He was a funny creative guy who never failed to show his love for me the short years we were together. I was his "first edition" as the little booklet he printed announcing my birth was titled. Though he considered himself just a printer, he was a truly talented graphic designer and writer.

Daddy went into the Navy just after my 3rd birthday in November of 1943 and served until the war was over, returning on leave only a few short times. Almost immediately my mother, brother and I moved to South Carolina to live with my grandparents. That was a very lonely Christmas but Daddy had told me to be a big girl, so I was brave and told no one how sad I was feeling. He died in November, too, so the Christmas season became one with many sad memories. One year I decided I could not face another holiday season with such depression and discussed it with my therapist. I went back to my memories of those early Christmases, vented my anger at my dad and forgave him for leaving me. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and from then on I have had great times at Christmas.

I postponed separating from my "ex" because of the fear of what it would do to our children. Having them live with him after the divorce allowed them to grow up with the father I so sorely had missed. I think the girls are better people for it.

Fathers ARE important. I get really put out with women who decide to be single mothers without realizing how not having one's father around can damage a child. Those women who procreate for their own selfish reasons should not be lauded or rewarded for doing so. Men who sire children with no intention of being fathers to them should be castrated. (So much for today's soap box.)

So on this Fathers Day I go on with my life with memories of a great father who left me too often and too soon. His spirit is still within me.

Happy Fathers Day, Daddy.

He Caught One!

I finally found out this morning what Murphy (my bed dog) has been trying to dig up in the berm in my back yard. At first I thought it was a rabbit; I've seen one (or more) in the yard off and on for years. Or maybe a chipmunk--there are jillions around here. Murphy has dug several deep holes under the trees trying to get what lives in the ground there. This morning he caught a MOLE! He came up out of his latest excavation with this little gray thing in his mouth that he didn't know what to do with. He let it go and it scurried under the leaves and disappeared. Undaunted, Murphy started digging again, but came up empty-mouthed. He didn't try digging where the mole had been the last time--guess his short term memory isn't that good. He went back to the deep old hole and kept digging until he got tired.

Then he wanted to come in, but he was covered with red dirt. I ran a few inches of water in my bathtub to give him a bath and gently lowered him in. When I turned around to get a wash cloth he sprang out, heading through the house leaving muddy paw prints wherever he went. After I tracked him down (which was rather easy, given the amount of dirt on his feet) and got him back in the tub he stood quietly until I got most of the dirt off. Now I'll spend the next few hours/days/weeks cleaning the mud off the carpet instead of him.

As for the mole--I hope he got the message and moved to another area. There are several holes in the berm facing the end of the driveway outside the fence. I thought they might be snake holes, but I guess they are entrances to the mole tunnels that probably go all through the berm.

Now that Murphy has caught a varmit, his quest for another will probably be resumed. Fishermen don't quit fishing because they catch something. (That's why they call it "fishing" not "catching".) I'll have to deal with more holes and muddy paws. But true to his terrier heritage, Murphy will keep digging. Good luck, fella!

In Praise of the Public Library

Since money has become tighter for me I have decided to forego buying new books and have rediscovered the public library. I can search for a book on the computer, find it on the shelf or, if it is not "in stock", can put my name on a waiting list for it. Then the library computer calls me to tell me when they have it and I go to pick it up, find it on the "hold" shelf, scan my card, set the book on the check-out pad, a ticket is printed and off I go--never interfacing with a real person. No more daunting card catalog drawers. No more waiting in line for the librarian to pull and stamp the check-out card with the due date. When I return the book I just stick it on a conveyer belt outside the library that again reads the title and other information and checks it in. No real person to deal with. What a shame.

My father's sister Antoinette (called Tony) was a librarian. For a number of years she was the head librarian in Davidson County, living and working in Lexington. She was supposed to discard old books, but she broke the rules and brought many of the children's books to us when we were young. Even though we visited the Greensboro library often, her gifts were treasured reading material. One of my favorites was Dr. Seuss' "And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street". It still is.

I hate to see library funding cut. It should be increased and people encouraged to make use of its many services. There needs to be more, not less, outreach like bookmobiles. There needs to be more encouragement for people to use the library, especially for reading.

I will check out a couple of books on tape/DVD for Preston and me to listen to while going to and from the beach (since grandson Will and his friend will be playing games and watching DVDs in the back seat). I also have a couple of books on request, but if they are not in I will find some fun mysteries or perhaps ask a real live librarian to recommend a book. That way he or she will have something to do.